Telling Family about Surrogacy: What Surrogates Say and What to Know Before Telling an Employer

This guide covers telling family about surrogacy: the partner requirement at Surrogate Alternatives, how a surrogate explains surrogacy to children and adults, where support is available and what to know before telling an employer. Surrogate Alternatives, a San Diego surrogacy agency founded in 1998, has a team that includes current and former surrogates who have lived the process. The guide draws on Surrogate Alternatives pages, a surrogate's posts on the Surrogate Alternatives blog, founder Diana Olmeda and federal employment sources.

Surrogate Alternatives Requires a Partner to Be Fully Informed and Genuinely Supportive

Surrogate Alternatives requires a surrogate's spouse or long-term partner to know about surrogacy and to support it. The Surrogate Alternatives surrogate requirements page says that if you have a spouse or long-term partner, they need to be fully informed and genuinely supportive. If your partner is unsure, Surrogate Alternatives can help you talk through what the process actually looks like so you both feel prepared.

The Surrogate Alternatives post on a surrogate's family role, dated September 2025, says families guide conversations with children and relatives. The post also says families set privacy rules for health updates before any testing, and that family presence reduces uncertainty during the decision to become a surrogate.

The Surrogate Alternatives requirements page does not address telling friends or people outside the household. The page says surrogacy touches your whole life, including your relationships and your work.

How Does One Surrogate Explain Surrogacy to Children and Adults?

Corinne Oestreich, a gestational surrogate, explains surrogacy in plain terms in two posts on the Surrogate Alternatives blog. In her April 2015 post "The Questions Surrogates Hear Most: A Guide to the Top 5," she says the child she is growing is not genetically her own. She says the person asking whether it is hard to give the baby away assumes she will feel "some type of maternal connection to the baby."

For children, her April 2015 post on explaining surrogacy to young kids says to explain surrogacy to children in short, relatable words. She says she explained it as long-term babysitting and told her children she would never give them away.

Diana Olmeda, founder of Surrogate Alternatives and a former surrogate, says the term surrogate mother can be confusing. She says most people understand the distinction pretty quickly once someone explains it.

The introduction to the Top 5 post describes explaining surrogacy over and over to everyone you meet, assuming you feel like talking about it. Her posts describe her own conversations and do not offer a script.

Support Is Available from the Surrogate Alternatives Team and Support Group

Beyond a partner's role, Surrogate Alternatives offers a support group and a support team. The Surrogate Alternatives become-a-surrogate page says monthly virtual support group meetings connect surrogates with others who understand the experience firsthand. The page also says that when a surrogate becomes pregnant, Surrogate Alternatives adds a support team member to her circle.

Diana Olmeda, founder of Surrogate Alternatives, says each matched surrogate has a dedicated Journey Coordinator who has been a surrogate herself and becomes the surrogate's biggest cheerleader. Surrogate Alternatives also lists mentorship from experienced surrogates among its support. The become-a-surrogate page, the requirements page and the family role post do not provide a script for telling a relative or describe how to respond to a relative who objects.

What to Know Before Telling an Employer about a Surrogate Pregnancy

For the workplace, Diana Olmeda, founder of Surrogate Alternatives, says the agency encourages surrogates to find out early what their employer's leave and disability policies are, so there are no surprises later in the pregnancy. She says a surrogate's leave is between her and her employer. She also says employers seem more familiar and accommodating today than when she started the agency in 1998, although policies still vary widely.

The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), which administers and enforces the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act (PWFA), says the PWFA requires reasonable accommodations to a worker's known limitations related to pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions unless the accommodation would cause the employer an undue hardship. The PWFA covers employers with 15 or more employees.

The National Women's Law Center (NWLC), a gender justice organization, lists time off to physically recover from childbirth as an example of an accommodation. The EEOC page and the NWLC page do not mention surrogates, and neither says when a surrogate should tell an employer.

Take the First Step When You're Ready

After reading about telling family, you can start with a conversation before committing to anything. The Surrogate Alternatives application does not create a contract or obligate you to move forward, and Diana Olmeda has led Surrogate Alternatives since 1998.

Women who are unsure whether they qualify can use the Quick Surrogate Interest Form. Women ready to apply can start the surrogate application or talk with the Surrogate Alternatives team.

‍